So a while ago I was finnaly able to start playing dnd with my friends. And I'm the dm, but I feel like I'm a piece of shit at it, and that every session sucks ass and like I'm having fun, but I don't think they do, like I feel I don't give them much choice on what to do but they also don't want to interact much with the world. And like they just want dumb injokes constantly and I wanna do like a half serious story but nobody cares and they only want me to say dumb shit and they are always on their phone even though I beg them at the start of every session to please only check them if they have an important message or something and then my friend infront of me is playing fucking candy crush because you know they are on a fuckng tabern hanging out and for once the other dude wants to do something but candy crush guy can't bother to involve himself in anything and he's whining that the other guy is taking too long and then there's this other dude. He comes every session, we have to do them late because we can barely get a time we are all available in, it sucks but it can be done, so this guy comes every session, and whines he's tired. I get it dude, I get it, but you never look like you wanna play man and I'm tired dude if you guys don't wanna play don't come man please I just want to have fun. And I try to give them a fight but they can't remember the rules, or what their abilities do, or anything, can't plan shit, can't coordinate themselves, they all just throw eachother at whatever enemy, and anything more than three goblins and it's too hard for them. While writing this I had an idea, start a game with those I have a more compatible time frame, and to motivate them. I will put fucking bombs on their brains, baldur gates 3 kinda does that, i mean its tadpoles or whatever in that game but you get it.
Right so this day I go to bed as usual, and so I think about things in general wich brings me to think about the fact that I'm thinking, then I think about Descartes, right so then I get this thought: "So, all I truly know is that I think, and thus exist", cool, true in a way I guess, but then, "Okay, but, he said all that I've ever felt with my senses can't be trusted", yes true true, "So how do I know anybody else thinks when all information I recieve from other people comes from my hearing, my sight, etc.", well, shit, "So what? can I just not prove that anybody else thinks?", I suppose, after all you can not trust your senses. "So, as far as I know, only I think." Seems like it. I stare at the ceiling. I see the lamp, hanging from the ceiling. "So life sucks and in a way I'm alone" yep. I see the cable of the lamp, and I'm reminded that a man discovered how electricity works, how electrons move. "He must have thought, like, to discover that, well to discover anything. I'm not alone, people exist" then i fell asleep.